


Peridot's Internet Adventures

by AnonymouslyDead



Category: Steven Universe - Fandom
Genre: Crack, F/F, Gen, I ship both, Jealousy, Multi, Other, Peridot is excitable, Peridots a nerd, Random Websites, Ships to come later, Square mom ships it, one shots, so polyshipping it is!, steven is patient, until he isn't
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-16
Updated: 2017-02-06
Packaged: 2018-09-17 20:53:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9343700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonymouslyDead/pseuds/AnonymouslyDead
Summary: Peridot doesn't understand the Internet. Steven introduces her to it and she becomes addicted to it. Crack adventures insure, of course.





	1. Chapter 1

Steven was having a nice, quiet morning. He was making a big bowl of his favorite cereal, Cookie Cat Crunch. Grabbing the bowl, he moved to the kitchen table to eat.

Steven didn't expect a small, green gem to crash through the screen door waving her tablet around wildly. The hyper gem was screaming his name frantically. Poor Steven dropped his bowl in panic, spilling his breakfast onto the floor.

"What!? What is it? Is Homeworld attacking?!" Steven yelled. In his panic, he produced a shield from his bellybutton gem, ready to defend against antagonistic gems.

"What? No." Peridot frowned. Steven sighed in relief. His shield poofed into a shower of glitter, no longer needed. 

"Then, what is it?" Steven asked curiously. 

"You see, I tried to use my Cheep account at the barn, but my tablet would not allow me to do so. It is clearly broken." Peridot explained. She thrust the device into Steven's hands, clearly expecting him to fix it.

Steven took the tablet and swiped through pages of apps until he found the Cheep logo. He opened the app. It opened and displayed Peridot's account feed. Everything seemed to work. 

"It's working fine now." Steven showed Peridot the working tablet. Peridot grimanced. 

"But when I tried, it requested some "internet"! How did you fix it?" Peridot examined the exterior of the tablet as if she would find the some internet. 

"Oh internet! That's right. There wouldn't be an internet connection at the barn. Dad didn't set one up there." Steven said. 

"What is this internet?" Peridot asked. "Is it some kind of power source?" 

"No, it's a signal that lets you explore websites like Cheep on the World Wide Web." Steven smiled as the green gem's face lit up with interest. 

"There's more websites like Cheep?! I must see them! How do I get this internet signal?" Peridot shouted in excitement. Steven giggled. He couldn't help it. The display was adorable. 

"There's internet here and at some other places in Beach City like The Big Donut. This little symbol on the top of the screen tells you when you find internet." Steven pointed out the internet bars on the tablet screen. 

"Ok, I understand. May I use your internet signal?" Peridot asked, a hopeful look on her face. 

"Sure!" Steven said, happy to spend the day with the gem. "I could even show you some website if you want." Peridot eagerly agreed, bouncing with excitement to explore a whole planet's worth of web.

"Ok, I just need to take care of this mess first." Steven said, pointing to the soggy mess that was his breakfast on the floor. 


	2. Archive of Our Own

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven and Peridot find the Camp Pining Hearts side of Archive Of Our Own.

"Ok, where to start?" Steven asked himself, settling into the couch next to Peridot. " I know! We can use Google to find something."

"Goo-gal?" Peridot questioned. The word didn't sound right coming from her. 

"It's a website you use to find other websites like a map. You can type in anything and it gives you websites related to it." Steven explained, pulling up the website. "What should we search?" 

"Oh, search Camp Pining Hearts!" Peridot suggested. Steven typed in the words. A list of websites appeared on the screen. Before Steven could react, Peridot swiped at the screen, not unlike a cat. She pressed a random link leading to a red and white website lined with text. 

"Huh, it's a story about Camp Pining Hearts." Steven said. Peridot swiped the tablet from him to read the text. Steven jumped as Peridot made many loud, excited noises. 

"It's a detailed explanation of the superior pairing that is Pierre and Percy!" Peridot screeched. "People agree with me. Pierre and Percy are meant to be together!" 

Steven had to coax Peridot into giving him the tablet. Once in his hands, Steven quickly read through the text. It was a nice story by a fan about Percy and Pierre going get ice cream and going for a walk on the beach where the two hold hands. Steven got to the bottom of the website where the site offered him to leave a comment to the author. 

"We should leave the author something nice." Steven suggested. Peridot made grabby hands at the tablet, clearly still excited from finding the story. Steven allowed her to hold the tablet. She quickly typed on the screen before presenting the new comment to him.

"I appreciate that you recognize the superior ship that is Pierre and Percy." The screen read.

Steven frowned. "That's not quite what I meant. It seems a bit rude, too. What about people who ship Paulette and Percy or Paulette and Pierre." 

Peridot scoffed. " It's not my fault that they support such inferior pairings." Still, Steven deleted the comment and started typing his own.

"How about "Wonderful story! You did such a great job!"? Steven said. 

"No, it doesn't say anything about the pairing!" Peridot protested. 

"How about "This is a cute story for a cute ship."?" Steven offered. Peridot still didn't look happy. Steven sighed. 

" People have to know how wrong Paulette is for Percy and how right he is for Pierre." Peridot insisted, trying to take the tablet from him. Steven didn't like where this was going. 

"How about we find a different website?" Steven said, quickly exiting the website to open another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment what you think! Kudos if you like it please!


	3. YouTube

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot likes craft videos. Also, Amethyst and Lapis.

"Oh, look, it's YouTube!" Steven said, showing Peridot a website full of links to videos. Steven clicked on the first video. The screen loaded only to show an image of a cat falling over a slipper.

"I don't get it. Why is this cat being recorded?" Peridot asked.

"Because it's cute!" Steven stared, starry eyed , as the video played. Peridot frowned. What was so interesting about this creature? 

"Maybe, you're a video game type of person." Steven suggested, switching videos. A human with strange piercings appeared on the screen along with animated graphics. 

"HELLO, IT'S COOLKID32 HERE WITH A NEW LET'S PLAY. TODAY, I HAVE THE NEW COPY OF LONELY BLADE-" 

"I didn't know Lars had a gaming channel!" Steven shouted. 

The game started, and It was clear that Lars was struggling. Suddenly, an enemy ninja appeared in the game to strike down Lar's character.

"SHIT! FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! GODDAMN! WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT COME FRO-"

Steven quickly changed the video. "LET'S TRY CRAFT VIDEOS INSTEAD!" He suggested loudly.

Calming music filled the air. Human hands appeared on the screen as a disembodied voice explained how a white shirt is made into a little plushie dog. 

"What do you think of this, Peridot? Peridot?" Peridot was no longer sitting on the couch. Steven could hear rummaging coming from another part of the house. Steven went to check out the noise. 

Steven found Peridot digging around in his bedroom. She popped up, hands raised in triumph with one of his signature red shirt in her hands. 

"Now, we just need scissors and glue!" Peridot yelled.

"You can't cut up my shirt!" Steven protested. 

"Why not? You're already wearing one?" Peridot asked. 

"I don't wear the same one everyday like you do! That wouldn't be sanitary! We'd need to use something that I don't wear anymore." Steven said indignantly. 

Just then, the door to the Gem Temple opened. Amethyst casually walked out. She stopped when she saw Peridot. 

"Hey, dudes. What's going on?" 

"We need an old shirt!" Steven and Peridot shouted at her. 

"Woah, chill. I have a bunch of old clothes in my room. Hold on." Amethyst disappeared back into the temple only to reappear seconds later with arms full of shirts. 

"Woah! Where did you get all that?" Steven asked. 

" I robbed a Wal-Mart back in '79. Have fun with them. I gotta run. Gonna go get me some donuts." Amethyst dropped the pile onto the floor before running out the door. 

There was a wide variety of shirts to choose from. Steven picked out a few starry patterned shirts while Peridot picked out shirts of every color. 

With the shirts taken care of, Steven dug through the kitchen to find the other supplies. Luckily, he found them easily. He gathered all the supplies and the tablet onto the kitchen table. 

They worked along with the video, pasting cut up pieces of fabric together. They stuffed the empty dog plushies full of shredded shirts and glued them closed. They repeated the craft multiple times until a small army of dog plushies filled the table. 

Peridot smiled. She was proud of herself for their hard work at this "crafting". It was almost like running a kindergarten. Now, if only these dogs could attack and defend!

"Hey, this one looks like Amethyst! And this one looks like Lapis!" 

"What? No, they don't." Peridot responded. What a silly assertion.

"I mean..." Steven picked up her purple and blue dogs. The blue dog had blue pieces of fabric cut like dripping wings glued to its back. The purple dog had bits of white fabric glued to its head, falling to its feet. 

"I CAN EXPLAIN!" Peridot exclaimed. No, she actually couldn't. 

"Peridot, it's fi-" 

"DISTRACTION!" Peridot threw a shirt into Steven's face and ran. She crashed into a wall and continued to head for the bathroom. She slammed the door closed and locked it. Steven sighed. It's going to be a while before he can use the bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos if you like this crack. Comment what you think or if you have an idea for a website that Peridot should visit.


	4. Pandora

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amethyst shows Peridot the joys of Pandora. Some amedot. Lapidot to come.

Peridot is sitting on the closed toilet, pondering as humans tend to do there. She doesn't know why it helps to think while sitting on the toilet. Maybe, it was the solitude that the small room generally provided. Despite the unpleasant nature of the room's purpose, it was rather peaceful.

Just then, a loud noise erupted from outside the bathroom, jarring her from her thoughts. She fell off of her porcelain seat in a panic, flailing her arms widely. Whatever could be ruining her thought processes? 

She poked her head out of the bathroom door. She sighed in relief when she didn't spot Steven. She really didn't fill like answering any questions right now. 

She slipped out of the bathroom and followed the noise to her tablet. It sat on the couch blaring loudly while a purple blur moved wildly in front of it. White hair swung around, threatening to slap Peridot in the face. 

"Amethyst?" Peridot asked tentatively. 

The figure stopped moving, revealing that it was indeed Amethyst. "Oh, hey, Peri. You came out of the bathroom. Steven's gonna be happy when he comes back." 

Peridot waved her off. "Yes. Yes. I'm sure, but what's with that noise coming from my tablet? Is it broken?!" Peridot began to panic. It was her only piece of technology. What was she going to do if it broke?

"Woah, calm down, it's fine. I found something on your tablet that plays music. I hope you don't mind but I started using it after you holed yourself in the bathroom for the afternoon." 

Peridot gave a sigh of relief. But then, another question came to mind. 

"THIS is what passes for music on Earth?" Peridot sneered. Her beloved tablet was spewing strange sounds that reminded her of a malfunctioning warp pad. 

"Hey, don't hate on it, man. You only just heard it!" Amethyst shouted, returning to her frantic movement. Peridot stood watching, not sure what to do exactly. 

Amethyst stopped again, this time motioning for her to join in. Peridot blushed, finally realizing what Amethyst was doing. Did Amethyst want to fuse with her? Amethyst was staring expectantly. She had to say something!

"I- um- I can't- uh" Smooth, Peridot. Smooth. She would've kicked herself if it wouldn't make the situation more embarrassing. 

"Dude, you don't have to fuse with me to dance. " Amethyst laughed at the flustered gem.

"That's not what I was thinking!" Peridot yelled. " I-I just don't know how to dance."

"Oh, that's easy. Just move to the beat." Amethyst said, moving her hips along with her sentence. Peridot blushed, feeling flustered all over again. 

Peridot observed Amethyst's fluid movements and tried to copy her. However, she couldn't match the same grace that the other gem moved with. Every move Peridot made seemed stiff and jerky compared to Amethyst. 

"Oh, look out! There goes P-Dotty doing the robot!" Amethyst teased, laughing. Peridot had no idea what that meant, but Peridot took at as a compliment. She found herself getting caught up in the dancing, feeling brace enough to move more freely. 

The song stretched on and then switched to another and another. The two danced until they knocked into each other, falling into a heap on the wooden floor laughing. 

The front door slammed closed. The two looked up. A tired looking Steven stared at the two. He had a few, minor scratches and bruises on his arms and legs. He must've been training with Pearl again. 

"I'm going to bed. Could you two keep it down?" Steven asked. He didn't wait for an answer. He turned off lights and went up to his bedroom. 

"Sleep sounds good right about now." Amethyst said from her spot on top of Peridot. She moved to switch of the music before settling in to her spot on top of Peridot. 

"Um, Amethyst?" 

"Oh, sorry." Amethyst shifted into the smaller form of a fluffy cat before curling into a ball on Peridot's abdomen. 

Peridot ran her fingers through the Ame-cat's soft, purple hair. Ame-cat responded by emitting a low rumbling. 

"I think I get the appeal of cats now." Peridot thought as she settled herself for spending a long time trapped between a cat and hard place.


	5. eBay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot done messed up.

A loud knock echoed through the house. Peridot groaned, blinking awake. Harsh light filtered through the large windows. Her body ached from laying on the floor.

Amethyst stirred on top of her. At some point, she had reverted back to her usual form. She had somehow ended up with her head resting on her abdomen instead.

The knocking continued, growing louder and more frantic as time passed. Peridot hear the rustle of blankets, and Steven appeared, yawning as he made his way to the door. 

"Lapis! How nice to see you! 

"Lapis?" Peridot asked. She moved to sit up, earning a protest from Amethyst in the process. 

"Peridot? You're okay." Lapis said, relieved. She frowned when she saw Amethyst in her lap,but the look quickly gave to an indifferent look. 

"Yes, why wouldn't I be?" 

"You didn't come back to the barn so I got worried and came here to look for you." Lapis explained, rubbing her neck. Her face blushed a darker blue. 

"Oh." Peridot frowned. Her insides crawled with shame. How could she worry Lapis like that? "I deeply apologize for my actions. I should have told you I came to Steven's house before leaving you. Now that you're here, however, I can show you what I've learned about this "internet". If you would let me up, Amethyst." Amethyst sat up so that Peridot could grab her tablet and rush to Lapis.

"There's a website full of fiction explaining how superior Pierre and Percy are together than Paulette and Percy. Steven showed me this website full of angry humans. I think you may find it- WHY IS'NT THIS WORKING?" Peridot frantically tapped the screen only to receive a message reading that there was no internet connection. "STEVEN, WHAT HAPPENED TO THE INTERNET?" 

"The Internet connection must be acting up. That happens sometimes." Steven explained, running his eyes. 

"But how will I use the Internet now?" Peridot whined. Then, she remembered what Steven had told her about internet connections.

"Come on, Lapis! Let's go to the Giant Donut place!" Peridot screeched, pulling Lapis out the door. Lapis' face lit up at the attention, a small smile crossing her lips. 

"Okay, I'll just...be here, I guess." Amethyst flopped back onto the floor, groaning. " You sleep on a Peri's chest, and she leaves you for the water lady." 

"Amethyst, what's wrong?" "It's nothing." Steven knew it was something. Steven sat beside the brooding gem, waiting for the rant. 

"It's just...what does Lapis have that I don't?" Amethyst asked. 

"Water powers?" Steven guessed. "Blue hair? Wings?"

"I could have those things! " Amethyst protested. "Well, two thirds of those things!"

"What is this about? It's not like Peridot doesn't like you?" Amethyst gave him a suspicious -and maybe a bit hopeful?- look.

"Oh, I see! You like-" 

"Steven!" Amethyst whined.

"Don't worry. Everything will work out just fine." Steven said, giving his smug conspiring look. It didn't help Amethyst's mood at all. 

"If you say so, man" She sighed.

**************

The "Big Donut" store was a bright, technicolor food distribution facility that indeed had internet. Lapis and Peridot took a seat at a table by the door of the place. Peridot quickly put Camp Pining Hearts into the the Google and searched the results for the red and white website. What came up, however, was a weird website Peridot hadn't seen before. 

"What is this?" Peridot said to the screen. She showed the tablet to Lapis as if she had the answer.

"I don't know. I have a lot of time to spend on this "internet" in that mirror." Lapis joked. That earned a giggle from Peridot, warming Lapis' insides. 

"Can I help you?" A human appeared at her table, bouncing on their feet while frequently glancing at the door. The name tag on her shirt read Sadie. 

"What is this?" Peridot thrust the tablet into the Sadie's hands. The Sadie gave a shaky laugh.

"Oh, you're on eBay!" 

"eBay?" Peridot asked.

"It's where people sell things they don't want. Like this page is selling Camp Pining Hearts merchandise. "

"Camp Pining Hearts Merchandise?!" Peridot screeched. " I HAVE A MIGHTY NEED! LOOK LAPIS!" 

"I like that." Lapis pointed to a black and blue shirt with the show's name across the chest. 

"I know right! I must have it. How do we get it?" Peridot asked.

"Look, I really have to go. Lars called in sick and I have to go with my mom to get another tetanus shot. The woman won't stop trying to fight beavers!" Sadie sighed. "I'll make you a deal. I'll buy you two each something off of eBay if you two watch the store while I leave." 

"Deal!" Peridot screamed.

"Why not?" Lapis said. 

*********************

Lapis and Peridot were starting to get bored. After the Sadie had quickly reviewed the many responsibilities behind donut handling, no other humans have walked into the establishment. Lapis had taken to swirling a cup of water while Peridot tapped away on her tablet. 

"Excuse me?" 

The two looked up, glad for the distraction. A human in a purple geometric shapes stared at them expectantly.

"I'll have a pink donut with sprinkles." The man requested, holding out a five dollar bill. 

"Coming right up! Lapis, take the man's money." Lapis took the man's money and shoved it into the register. 

"Wait, I had change!" The man protested. Lapis sent a dead stare at the man, causing him to sigh. "You know what? Never mind." 

"Come on. Come to me, you stupid donuts!" Peridot struggled to reach the pink donuts on the high donut display. Lapis laughed at the display.

"I could just grab them-"

"Don't you dare, Lazuli! I can get them!" Peridot protested, yet the short gem couldn't reach the shelf no matter how hard she tried. 

Lapis sighed. Realizing that Peridot would not relent, she took matters into her own hands. She grabbed a hold of the short gem's waist and lifted her to eye level with the case. This earned a surprise squeak from Peridot much to Lapis' amusement.

"Err-Thank you, Lapis." Peridot quickly grabbed one of the requested donuts and bagged it. Lapis turns the two of them so that Peridot was now facing the man.

"Here you are!" Peridot smiled.

"Thanks?" The man said awkwardly. The man quickly left without another word.

The two waited for another human to serve. Minutes ticked by like molasses. Peridot groaned. 

"Is Camp Pining Hearts worth this?" 

"It's been five minutes." Lapis deadpanned. 

"How do humans do this?" Peridot screeched just as the door gently opened. Pearl tentatively walked in looking completely out of her element.

"Peridot? Lapis?" Pearl asked. 

"Hi Pearl. How can we help you?" Lapis and Peridot asked. She was still carrying Peridot, making for a weird display.

"...I just came to pay for the damages. I heard Amethyst had come-"

"Amethyst was here?" Peridot asked loudly.

" Huh-I think so. I assume she made that." Pearl pointed to a large bite in the counter. 

"Really?!" Peridot squirmed out of Lapis' grip to inspect the damaged counter, much to Lapis' disappointment. "This is impressive!" She ran her hand over the marks in the wood.

"O-ok, I'll just-" Pearl handed a wad of money to Lapis before rushing out of the store. 

" Woah, what happened?" Sadie dodged Pearl as she opened the door. She quickly scanned the store for damages. Thankfully, the store was in one piece. Peridot seemed way too interested in the counter and Lapis seemed a little more dead inside,but everything seemed fine.

"Ok, everything seems fine. You two did a good job! Now, I guess I should hold up my end of the bargain. What would you two like?" 

"Wow, Amethyst really did a number on the-" 

"Nothing." Lapis sighed, leaving the store. That caught Peridot's attention.

"Lapis? Where are you going?" Peridot was ignored as Lapis left. 

"Lapis!" Peridot called out of the store. Peridot's shoulders slumped.

"...Do you still want-"

"Yes!" Peridot snapped. Sadie jumped at the small gem's spite. This newfound rage quickly melted into a dull pain in her insides. 

What had she done wrong?


	6. Tumblr

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis and Ameythst learn about memes and their feelings. 
> 
> The actual website is only mentioned in this chapter, but hopefully, I captured the website's essence.
> 
> Also, this fic is tagged as crack. That would be due to this chapter. You have been warned.

Steven was sleeping peacefully. Then, a loud crash gave Steven startled him awake. Jumping up, Steven quickly scanned the house for monsters.

Amethyst was still moping on the floor, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Steven sighed. He needed more sleep.

A loud splash rang out followed by another and another. Steven groaned. Looks like he wouldn't even be doing that. Steven reluctantly climbed out of bed and walked to the source of the noise. The noise brought him outside, but he couldn't find a source of the noise. 

Then, a giant water hand came out of the sea to pick up a giant rock and fling it into itself. 

"Lapis." Steven sighed. He quickly scanned the beach for the gem. When he didn't spot the gem, he climbed into the roof of his house for a better view. Much to his surprise, Lapis was sitting scrunched up on the roof.

"Lapis, what are you doing?" Steven groaned. 

"Peridot doesn't want me anymore. I didn't know where else to go." Lapis said muffled from behind her legs. 

"Lapis, that's ridiculous!" Steven nearly shouted.

"She wants Amethyst. And I don't want to be where I'm unwanted again." Lapis stared out at the sea with a pained look on her face. Scowling, Steven couldn't take it anymore. 

"SHE LIKES BOTH OF YOU!" Steven screamed loud enough to be heard in Beach City, making Lapis jump in surprise. "SHE LIKES YOU TWO! YOU TWO ARE ALL SHE TALKS ABOUT! SO JUST..." Steven sighed, rubbing his face. "Do something? Go talk to her. I don't know. I'm sorry...I just want a peaceful morning. I'm so tired." 

" Steven...Thank you." She gave him a soft smile before standing and jumping into the sky. Large, watery wings spread out from her gem and carried her away. 

Steven smiled. He laid down on his back, facing the sky. Maybe now, he could sleep.

***********

Lapis showed up at the barn minutes later. Pushing back the doors, Lapis was disappointed to find no green gems running amongst the meep morps. She was about to resign herself to more sad rock throwing when she found a paper taped onto new meep morp. 

"Off to pick up a few things. I don't know what I did to upset you but please note that I deeply apologize." The note read on a little meep morp of a creature humans called frogs expect this one had a black cloak. 

Lapis smiled. Peridot did care. She moved to settle into her favorite chair when the barn door rattled open again. Lapis turned, expecting Peridot. However, Amethyst stared at her with a bag of something in her hands.

"Umm...Steven asked me to drop these off so..." Amethyst placed the bag on the ground by the door. She turned to leave.

"Wait!" Lapis cried as if she had something important to say. Amethyst turned. Shit, she didn't know what to say. 

"Woah, is that the frog?" Amethyst shouted, running towards a the meep morp Peridot had left a note on. 

"The frog?" 

"Yeah, it's a thing Steven showed me. People use like frog images and put relatable text under it." Lapis shot her a confuse look. 

"It's like...You're feeling bad and you use an image that matches those bad feelings." 

"Oh, you mean like our meep morps!" Lapis exclaimed.

"Kind of, but it's usually premade images. Here, let me-" Amethyst knelt to the dusty barn floor and drew a crude image of a dog surrounded by fire in the dirt while Lapis diligently watched. She wrote the words "This is fine." in bold text. "Things like this are all over the Internet." 

"So it could be like..." Lapis quickly drew a mirror on the floor and copied her words.

"That's good but I got one better. You say dog. Me, an intellectual-" Amethyst shifted her form into a dog, yipping excitedly. Much to Amethyst's surprise, Lapis chuckled.

"So, it can be just words?" Amethyst nodded."Oh, I got one! I'm like hinting that I don't want to be a mirror. I don't like being a mirror." She said with a straight face. Amethyst chuckled.

"I had a single (one) self esteem. Jasper crushed it." 

Lapis motioned to an empty space. "This is where I'd put a life-" She scrunched up her face into exaggerated rage and clenched her fists. "IF I HAD ONE!" Amethyst bust out laughing.

"You're great, Laps!" Lapis beamed at the compliment.

"Do you think we could make these into meep morps?" 

"Heck yeah we can! Amethyst searched the room, coming across a pile of paint cans. She quickly gathered them up and stacked them into a wide tower. The tower grew taller and taller until she could barely place the next can at the top on her tiptoes. She was about to shapeshift taller when a pair of arms snaked around her waist.

Amethyst squeaked, blushing as she was lifted a few off of the ground. She squirmed in the taller gem's grasp. 

"What's wrong?" Lapis asked with a blank face. 

"Uh...I could've gotten it myself." Amethyst said,struggling not to blush.

"I wanted to help." She said, moving Amethyst into one arm to rub the back of her neck with the other. A dark blue colored her face. 

"O-okay then, let's get to it." 

********************

The barn doors burst open. Peridot sprinted into the barn, carrying a small box.

"Lapis!! I'm sorry!! I didn't-" She stopped mid rant to marvel at the scene before her.

The paint cans that lined the east wall of the barn were arranged in a manner that resembled a table. Lapis was seated on a paint can separate from the table shaped arrangement. Amethyst, however, was sprawled across the table. 

"Nine in the afternoon. You're eyes are the size-"

Amethyst was singing, a rare but wonderful experience. Now, they were now staring at her, the song gone.

"Hey P-Dot! Where ya been? It's been what? Two days?" It was Amethyst who broke the silence. 

"I-I had some business to take care of." Peridot stuttered, her heart sinking the more she observed the scene. "Am i interrupting something?" 

"Well, Lapis and I have been talking-" Amethyst started. 

"Oh god, this was going end up like those "one-sided" stories on archiveofown." Peridot screeched in her mind. Both of the people who gave her weird squishy feelings had started a relationship together, leaving her with no one. It's like those damn stories where Paulette stole Percy from Pierre.

"Since we all apparently like each other." 

Peridot struggled to hold back tears. She was a Peridot. She could get through this. No matter how much it hurt. 

"We should all be in a relationship." 

Wait, what?

"Wait, what?" Lapis chuckled at the small gem's confusion. 

"It's a beautiful night!" Amethyst sang, loud and clear. She jumped up to meet Peridot, grabbing the small gem and swing her around. "We're looking for something dumb to do!" 

"Hey baby." Lapis appeared behind the two, pulling them into a tight hug. "I think I wanna court you two." 

Peridot's face burned a dark green. Her insides, along with her mental capacity, turned to warm mush surrounded by her favorite gems. 

What just happened now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment what you think! Kudos if you liked this crack!
> 
> Also I obviously don't own the song lyrics used in this chapter.   
> They belong to Panic! at the Disco and Bruno Mars. I just had those songs stuck in my head and decided to use them.


	7. Etsy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Garnet meddles.

Garnet was sitting on the couch, a giant smile plastered to her face. Pearl groaned. That was never a good sign.

"Garnet, please tell me you didn't play matchmaker with the others?" 

The other gem stood and grabbed her shoulders, earning a bird like squawk from Pearl. Garnet stared into her eye. At least, it looked like she was. It was hard to tell with the tinted sunglasses.

"Pearl" she said in monotone." I did the thing." Her face broke out into a wider smile. Another groan escaped Pearl. 

"Ok, whatever. Just don't drag me into it." Pearl moved to open the temple door.

"Wait!" Pearl stopped, shooting a questioning look at the gem. 

"You're just mad that that girl didn't answer your call." Garnet smirked. 

"What? How did you know about that?" Pearl squeaked, face flushing a light teal.

"She calls back in three. Two." Steven's ringtone rang out. Pearl rushed to answer, all the while glaring at the now smug Garnet. 

******************

"So we are in a relationship now?" Peridot asked the other two. She was curled up against against Lapis in the only armchair in the barn. Amethyst took it upon herself to drape herself across their laps. 

"Yep."

"I believe so."

"Alright, just checking." Peridot said, trying to keep from giggling. She failed horribly. A wide smile spread across her face and she let out giddy snorts. 

"Are you okay?" Lapis asked, frowning. 

"Yes, I'm just...happy, I think." Peridot said.

"Aww, Peri loves us." Amethyst teased, wrapping her arms around her waist. Lapis proceeded to wrap her arms around the two, forming a colorful cuddle puddle. Peridot smiled. She had never felt so warm and content. 

"Oh wait!" Peridot squirmed out of the gems' arms and ran to the door. Her package laid on the floor, abandoned along with a weird bag. 

"What's this?" She picked up the bag to find many plush dogs inside.

"Oh yeah. Steven had me bring those here." Amethyst said. She was now curled up in Lapis' lap. Lapis ran a hand through the gem's white hair.

Peridot frowned at the bag. There seemed to be more than dogs than she had made with Steven. Oh, well. She pulled the bag up her arm and grabbed her package, quickly ripping it open. 

"What are these?" Peridot asked to no one, pulling out three small plastic rings. They each had tiny red beads chained together in a loop that fit around her arm. They were definitely not the Camp Pining Hearts videos she had ordered. Stupid human must've ordered the wrong thing. 

Seething, Peridot stomped over to the other gems, ready to go on a horrible rant. She dropped the box loudly at their feet, gaining their attention. 

"Look at this madness! That "Sadie tricked me!" Peridot screeched. "I specifically requested Camp Pining Hearts: Season 5, yet she gives me this!" The two grabbed the box and inspected the bracelets. 

"Peridot, did you see what was on them?" Lapis asked, showing the others. Amethyst groaned.

"Dang it, Garnet!" 

"What is it?" Peridot snatched the bracelet. On the individual beads, letters engraved into the plastic read out "Made of Love". Two hearts, one green and one blue, ended the phrase. Peridot quickly found the bracelet with hearts in blue and purple.

" I am never taking this off." Peridot said, completely serious as she shoved the bracelet up her arm.Her insides warmed when she saw Lapis do the same. 

"This is so embarrassing." Amethyst whined but she took the bracelet nevertheless. 

"What are those?" Lapis asked, pointing at the plastic bag Peridot still carried. Peridot handed the bag to her.

"WHAT ARE THOSE?!" Amethyst screeched, much to Peridot's annoyance.

"I have been on the internet for three days and I am already done with that meme." Peridot went on to explain her crafting adventures to Lapis.

"Did you make us?" Lapis asked, pulling out the blue and purple dogs in question. 

"I..um." Peridot squeaked. 

"Multiple times?" She added pulling out another purple dog. She then pulled a little green dog with a yellow triangle around its face along with another blue dog. 

"I didn't do those! It was Garnet!" Peridot screeched. 

"Sure, it was." Amethyst said, laughing. " I believe the bracelets were Garnet, but this was all you!" 

"I like them. I'm keeping them all." Lapis said, pulling the pile of dogs into her lap, burying Amethyst's face. 

"Hey, I want some!" Amethyst whined, grabbing some dogs off of her face to cuddle with. 

The whole scene was cute, Peridot had to admit. She'd have to thank the fusion when she saw her. 

"Hey! Wait a minute. I made those dogs! Give me!" 

"Nope, they're ours now!" 

*******************

Garnet giggled madly. She had been staring at the web browser on Steven's phone for awhile. The website she had found called Etsy showed a set of customizable red bracelets. The words "Order Sent" read across the screen. 

Garnet put the phone down, satisfied. She started to clean up the scraps of fabric that littered her room's floor. Her mission was complete. OTP was meant to be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I actually finished! Never thought I'd finish something this long!  
> Anyway, comment what you think! Give kudos if you liked it please!


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